March 4, 2009

I am not hungry AT ALL anymore! I have truly tricked my brain into believing I just had surgery for the first time. My husband ordered pizza last night for the kids and I started to pick at the cheese. I chewed it a million times before swallowing, lol! I was actually afraid to swallow my first bite of food. I went in for more and realized that what I was doing was one of the reasons why I am back at this weight! STEP AWAY FROM THE PIZZA! And away I went. I had a cup of chicken broth and a cup of tea and I was fine! I have to remember that the things that will comfort me, truly comfort me, are the things that can hug me back! The crap I eat when I become an emotional mess is like a bad ex-boyfriend... he tells you the things you want to hear and pretends that he loves you.... later on you find out he's a lying cheat... lol, I have digressed!!! But the food does call you and promise to love you, but it never does- lies, all lies I tell you.. hahaha. I have had pizza a million, at least, times in my life. Why have I not gotten bored with it? Ok, so I am going to keep a journal on fitday.com (love that site) and make myself accountable for every calorie.

The good news is that protein powder has gotten much better these days. I bought Syntrax Latte and blend it with a cup of coffee, some skim milk, ice and capella flavor drops... soooo good! Like going to Starbucks. The Syntrax has no carbs and is high in protein. I recommend. I also bought designer whey, but have not tried it yet. I'll let you know.

Yesterday I spoke with an old friend. I'll call her "Brian Fellows" because I would never divulge her secrets! She and I had surgery about the same time. Turns out, she is struggling as well, and reached out to Danielle at the surgeon's office last week too- isn't it ironic (don't ya think)? I realize that this is going to be a lifetime struggle for all of us. The demons never go away. The same reasons why we turned to food pre-op, will be the same reasons why we do years later if they are not properly dealt with. She has been going through a rough time and naturally turned to food for comfort. Sound familiar to any of you? I gotta go... gonna call my old pal, 'Brian Fellows' and show her some love (because I love her so very much)!