I am down to 248lbs. I am losing so slooooowly this time around! With all of the working out I am doing, I would have thought it would be faster. Oh well. maybe this will be a big week.

I am totally back on track. I started going to a 10 week (every day) boot camp in the mornings, followed by an hour of cardio at the gym. At night I go back to the gym (3x's a week) to take a spin class. I love spin.. and I am BY FAR the most out of shape person in the room!!! I feel so good. It's almost like a euphoria... a natural high. Now I know what the skinny people are talking about. I am laughing more, have more energy to play with my kids, and I am having a great time with my husband. I have to say that I am so fortunate that I have a husband who supports me to the point that he watches the kids (after working a midnight) for hours while I am gone working on me. I know he feels that I deserve to finally focus on me instead of ignoring myself and only taking care of my husband and kids. He's even cleaning for me while I am gone!!!!

I am definitely sore... ok, I admit I am in PAIN because I am working muscles that have been asleep for years and they are angry!!! In some sick way, I love the pain. It serves as a constant reminder of how hard I am working.

I have decided to give myself a gift of a massage when I lose 20 lbs from this weight. I really need one so I hope the pounds fly off of me!!!

I will report my weight on Saturday (the scale has not budged in a while, so send me some positive vibes).

ok, so i have stayed the same weight.. sigh. i'm kicking this up a notch and starting a 10 week intensive boot camp today!!! sooooo scared and embarrassed to be the only fatty there. they are taking a picture of me in a sports bra.. YIKES! wish me luck : )

March 8, 2009

I am back on. Even though I said I am not beating myself up over the bad day yesterday, I must admit.... I am so pissed off about setting myself back!
I had a protein drink first thing in the morning, just to solidify the fact that I am back on track!!!!

March 7, 2009

Hey there all,
Just woke up and weighed in. My weight is now 249.8. I lost another 1.2 lbs. It definitely comes off slower this time around, that's for shit sure. I really only have 2 options here: get fatter and fatter or keep on trucking. I'll be damned if I let food beat me!!!! But, before I start fighting, back to bed I go : )

I'm back again... just wanted to report that I fell off the wagon momentarily. I had a plate (a normal person's portion) of baked ziti and a half of a bag of Quaker rice cakes. I have recovered and will not beat myself up over it! I promised myself that if I was going to have a 'not so great day' I would save it for after weigh in days and keep the cheat within moderation. It was way more reasonable than anything I have eaten prior to getting back on track so..... whatever, it is what it is.....
I am now drinking tons of water and focused.

March 5, 2009

Feeling great! I think all of the supplements I am taking are boosting my mood!!! Update on the Biggest Loser brand Protein 2 Go (Blueberry)..... GAG!!!!! Every sip made me want to hurl. Tons of ice made it more tolerable. Can't wait to get all of my Syntrax Nectars in the mail- from what I hear, Fuzzy Naval and Lemonade are the best. I'll let you know.

This is the Post op plan from my surgeon's office. I am following the one that they give to Stomaphyx patients.

Week 1 & 2: Broths, s/f jello, low fat s/f yogurt, s/f pudding, high protein shakes or Optifast, WATER WATER WATER, decaf coffee/tea

Week 3 & 6: All of the above plus- moist boneless fish, soft cooked eggs, canned fruit (no skin), low fat ricotta, low fat cottage cheese, soft cooked veggies, tofu. Low fat mayo and dressing.

I am hoping to see the same results the Stomaphyx patients see. Fingers crossed!

March 4, 2009

I am not hungry AT ALL anymore! I have truly tricked my brain into believing I just had surgery for the first time. My husband ordered pizza last night for the kids and I started to pick at the cheese. I chewed it a million times before swallowing, lol! I was actually afraid to swallow my first bite of food. I went in for more and realized that what I was doing was one of the reasons why I am back at this weight! STEP AWAY FROM THE PIZZA! And away I went. I had a cup of chicken broth and a cup of tea and I was fine! I have to remember that the things that will comfort me, truly comfort me, are the things that can hug me back! The crap I eat when I become an emotional mess is like a bad ex-boyfriend... he tells you the things you want to hear and pretends that he loves you.... later on you find out he's a lying cheat... lol, I have digressed!!! But the food does call you and promise to love you, but it never does- lies, all lies I tell you.. hahaha. I have had pizza a million, at least, times in my life. Why have I not gotten bored with it? Ok, so I am going to keep a journal on fitday.com (love that site) and make myself accountable for every calorie.

The good news is that protein powder has gotten much better these days. I bought Syntrax Latte and blend it with a cup of coffee, some skim milk, ice and capella flavor drops... soooo good! Like going to Starbucks. The Syntrax has no carbs and is high in protein. I recommend. I also bought designer whey, but have not tried it yet. I'll let you know.

Yesterday I spoke with an old friend. I'll call her "Brian Fellows" because I would never divulge her secrets! She and I had surgery about the same time. Turns out, she is struggling as well, and reached out to Danielle at the surgeon's office last week too- isn't it ironic (don't ya think)? I realize that this is going to be a lifetime struggle for all of us. The demons never go away. The same reasons why we turned to food pre-op, will be the same reasons why we do years later if they are not properly dealt with. She has been going through a rough time and naturally turned to food for comfort. Sound familiar to any of you? I gotta go... gonna call my old pal, 'Brian Fellows' and show her some love (because I love her so very much)!

March 3, 2009

I know the brain is a funny thing because I woke up this morning and when I run up my flight of stairs I thought I felt lighter! Right, like I could possibly feel lighter with the amount of weight I need to lose? Not likely unless I lost a limb. So, I ran to the bathroom to weigh myself (I know, I know, step away from the scale... I know that and I would tell any one to lose the scale for a while, but I am a girl on a mission and I need to make sure I my plan is working)... I looked in the mirror and thought, "My face looks thinner." Now I am doing the old "I can tell in your face" line to myself, even though I loathed when my mom or sister would say it to me when my dieting efforts in the past did not make so much as a dent. Even though their mouths said "I can see it in your face, keep up the good work" it's almost like their eyes were saying "oy, here we go again. another diet that won't last past a week- and it would take several months before I would ever see a weight loss difference anyway." I know, I know, talk it out with a shrink and get to the point, right? So, I take off my sweatshirt (c'mon, you know you'll take weight loss any way you can get it) and step on the scale. I am now 251.0 pounds! Holy crap! Am I finally doing something right? 9 pounds gone. Yes I know it's mostly water weight.. I get it, but seeing a lower number is psychologically gratifying no matter how it comes. Besides, my goal is to attempt to mimic my original weight loss surgery results.

So the menu for today? I am still on clear liquids, s/f jello, broth, etc. Lots of water and my supplements. I am taking a huge amount of supplements to make up for the nutrients that I am losing. By the way, this is my journey that I am documenting, just to show how a bariatric patient would lose a massive amount of weight the 2nd time around. And if I can do this without resorting to surgery again for revision (I would feel like even more of a failure admitting I have zero control over myself and consistently let food make me it's bitch!!! How, by the way, is food so much stronger than me? It doesn't have hands and feet, yet it always finds me, taunts me and beats me down!I'm standing up to my bully that is food!)

I put in a call to Danielle, the nutritionist at my surgeon's office, to ask her if any changes/updates to the post-op diet have been implemented over the years. I'm sure there are a few changes since 2003 other than Citrimax being added. I am waiting for a call back.

By the way. I feel great. I am not hungry at all (but it's not even 8:30 am). Last night I definitely was feeling hungry- not STARVING.... 2 cups of tea and I was fine. BY THE WAY, lack of food causes constipation for me. TMI? sorry. But I have to tell you that every night before bed I am drinking a cup of Smooth Move Tea and it solved that problem in a very kind and gentle way, lol.
I'll keep you posted.
Talk ta ya lighter.....

March 2nd, 2009

Ok. So I have decided that I will be going back-to-basics. I am doing the 5DPT (Five Day Pouch Test).... but longer than 5 days, lol. I have heard that the 5DPT helps to bring you back to the 'pouch rules' and helps you to get that 'tight' feeling back in your pouch. Oh, that would be so fab! I can pretty much eat anything. Pasta and rice can still make me sick if I eat a lot of it, but that's it.

So, I am going to follow the post-op rules for as long as I can. Clear liquids for a few days (and all of my supplements), water, water, water... and some broth and s/f jello. In a few days I will add the protein shakes. Protein first! I cannot believe I forgot the rules! I just kind of went through life (well, the last few years) ignoring that I had this surgery!

I am on day 2 of liquids and I feel great. I feel empowered and motivated. Just like a fresh post-op bypass patient.

March 1st, 2009

Okay, here's the deal. I had gastric bypass surgery in Sept. 2003 and went from 316 lbs to 170 lbs. Life was great. After gaining pregnancy weight and then learning both of my babies were disabled, I began to eat more and more. I suppose I was trying to eat my emotions. Before I knew it, I was back up to 260 pounds! I have tried a million diets and nothing was working for me. Then, it dawned on me..... 'hey stupid! you went through hell getting this little pouch. this is your tool forever. use it!!!!' I am hoping that voice in my head is correct and that I have not lost my tool, but it's been sitting around getting rusty. I have recommitted myself to this journey! There is nothing I can do about the weight I have regained, other than fix it... and that's what I intend to do.
Now, I must figure out a plan.