I am down to 248lbs. I am losing so slooooowly this time around! With all of the working out I am doing, I would have thought it would be faster. Oh well. maybe this will be a big week.

I am totally back on track. I started going to a 10 week (every day) boot camp in the mornings, followed by an hour of cardio at the gym. At night I go back to the gym (3x's a week) to take a spin class. I love spin.. and I am BY FAR the most out of shape person in the room!!! I feel so good. It's almost like a euphoria... a natural high. Now I know what the skinny people are talking about. I am laughing more, have more energy to play with my kids, and I am having a great time with my husband. I have to say that I am so fortunate that I have a husband who supports me to the point that he watches the kids (after working a midnight) for hours while I am gone working on me. I know he feels that I deserve to finally focus on me instead of ignoring myself and only taking care of my husband and kids. He's even cleaning for me while I am gone!!!!

I am definitely sore... ok, I admit I am in PAIN because I am working muscles that have been asleep for years and they are angry!!! In some sick way, I love the pain. It serves as a constant reminder of how hard I am working.

I have decided to give myself a gift of a massage when I lose 20 lbs from this weight. I really need one so I hope the pounds fly off of me!!!

I will report my weight on Saturday (the scale has not budged in a while, so send me some positive vibes).

ok, so i have stayed the same weight.. sigh. i'm kicking this up a notch and starting a 10 week intensive boot camp today!!! sooooo scared and embarrassed to be the only fatty there. they are taking a picture of me in a sports bra.. YIKES! wish me luck : )

March 8, 2009

I am back on. Even though I said I am not beating myself up over the bad day yesterday, I must admit.... I am so pissed off about setting myself back!
I had a protein drink first thing in the morning, just to solidify the fact that I am back on track!!!!

March 7, 2009

Hey there all,
Just woke up and weighed in. My weight is now 249.8. I lost another 1.2 lbs. It definitely comes off slower this time around, that's for shit sure. I really only have 2 options here: get fatter and fatter or keep on trucking. I'll be damned if I let food beat me!!!! But, before I start fighting, back to bed I go : )

I'm back again... just wanted to report that I fell off the wagon momentarily. I had a plate (a normal person's portion) of baked ziti and a half of a bag of Quaker rice cakes. I have recovered and will not beat myself up over it! I promised myself that if I was going to have a 'not so great day' I would save it for after weigh in days and keep the cheat within moderation. It was way more reasonable than anything I have eaten prior to getting back on track so..... whatever, it is what it is.....
I am now drinking tons of water and focused.

March 5, 2009

Feeling great! I think all of the supplements I am taking are boosting my mood!!! Update on the Biggest Loser brand Protein 2 Go (Blueberry)..... GAG!!!!! Every sip made me want to hurl. Tons of ice made it more tolerable. Can't wait to get all of my Syntrax Nectars in the mail- from what I hear, Fuzzy Naval and Lemonade are the best. I'll let you know.

This is the Post op plan from my surgeon's office. I am following the one that they give to Stomaphyx patients.

Week 1 & 2: Broths, s/f jello, low fat s/f yogurt, s/f pudding, high protein shakes or Optifast, WATER WATER WATER, decaf coffee/tea

Week 3 & 6: All of the above plus- moist boneless fish, soft cooked eggs, canned fruit (no skin), low fat ricotta, low fat cottage cheese, soft cooked veggies, tofu. Low fat mayo and dressing.

I am hoping to see the same results the Stomaphyx patients see. Fingers crossed!

March 4, 2009

I am not hungry AT ALL anymore! I have truly tricked my brain into believing I just had surgery for the first time. My husband ordered pizza last night for the kids and I started to pick at the cheese. I chewed it a million times before swallowing, lol! I was actually afraid to swallow my first bite of food. I went in for more and realized that what I was doing was one of the reasons why I am back at this weight! STEP AWAY FROM THE PIZZA! And away I went. I had a cup of chicken broth and a cup of tea and I was fine! I have to remember that the things that will comfort me, truly comfort me, are the things that can hug me back! The crap I eat when I become an emotional mess is like a bad ex-boyfriend... he tells you the things you want to hear and pretends that he loves you.... later on you find out he's a lying cheat... lol, I have digressed!!! But the food does call you and promise to love you, but it never does- lies, all lies I tell you.. hahaha. I have had pizza a million, at least, times in my life. Why have I not gotten bored with it? Ok, so I am going to keep a journal on fitday.com (love that site) and make myself accountable for every calorie.

The good news is that protein powder has gotten much better these days. I bought Syntrax Latte and blend it with a cup of coffee, some skim milk, ice and capella flavor drops... soooo good! Like going to Starbucks. The Syntrax has no carbs and is high in protein. I recommend. I also bought designer whey, but have not tried it yet. I'll let you know.

Yesterday I spoke with an old friend. I'll call her "Brian Fellows" because I would never divulge her secrets! She and I had surgery about the same time. Turns out, she is struggling as well, and reached out to Danielle at the surgeon's office last week too- isn't it ironic (don't ya think)? I realize that this is going to be a lifetime struggle for all of us. The demons never go away. The same reasons why we turned to food pre-op, will be the same reasons why we do years later if they are not properly dealt with. She has been going through a rough time and naturally turned to food for comfort. Sound familiar to any of you? I gotta go... gonna call my old pal, 'Brian Fellows' and show her some love (because I love her so very much)!